Thoughts on the (Current) Apocalypse
Photo by Jason Wong on Unsplash
Instead of doing a bunch of rehashing about what steps you should be taking during (at the time of this writing) the beginning of the general population taking COVID-19 seriously, I thought I'd address some of my thought processes and weird feelings.
Pandemic Deja Vu
First off, this is not my first pandemic where I was impacted. During 2009's H1N1-09 aka Swine Flu, I actually contracted it. My wife and I self-quarantined since it happened in October of that year, and a vaccine did not become available until November. The outbreak started in the US in April, so it was a few months before I caught it. It sucked, I was bedridden for nearly a week. My wife, who took care of me, kept family and friends away from the house, and she never got it.
So even though neither one of us are showing symptoms, we are not complete strangers to self-imposed quarantine. This has probably led to us not freaking out as much as others.
General Preparedness
Various life experiences (some rather weird) have led to preparation for all kinds of things, including pandemics.
I work from home, and have done so since 1999. I am used to dealing with remote work life, and am completely prepared from an equipment side.
Growing up both my wife and I have experienced extended power outages due to storms, from being snowed in or area tornado damage. As a result we both are used to having extra essentials on hand, such as dry goods, medicines, medical supplies, and cleaning products.
I’ve had to do numerous home repairs over the years, and was given a large set of old Time Life books. They are dated, but invaluable and are easily adopted to current situations.
Buying in bulk scratched two itches - it allowed for less purchases because shopping for essentials is boring and to do it less frequently is a plus, and it saves money because it is cheaper. Basically, our hoarding is the result of cheapness and laziness.
Quite by accident we’re ready for a pandemic, and anything we were lacking we were able to read the signs and get most of what we wanted before most of the panic buying started.
That Odd Feeling
Living through a major tragic event - like a devastating tornado or witnessing 911 in real time - can give you this strange out-of-control feeling. Turning to the news outlets or to government representatives can help at times, and other times it does not. As I write this, the news outlets are trying to help with this pandemic, but in the rush to put something on the air during a time when we currently don't know all the facts about COVID-19, they are kind of thrashing. The federal government response has been questionable at best. In spite of my preparation I still am getting that strange out-of-control feeling.
Sometimes when watching a movie or playing a video game where the plot is apocalyptic in nature, and there is enough of an immersion that it gives you this odd and distorted feeling about your environment. Despite being unnerved, I find those style of movies and games oddly familiar and strangely satisfying. I enjoy them. Not sure why. Right now, for me the “mood on the street” in this pandemic is similar in “feel” to those apocalyptic movies and games. It is oddly familiar and strangely satisfying. At least I am cognizant enough to recognize it as some weird endorphin mood - for others who don't connect the dots as quickly, I might think they feel more invincible, scared, or reactionary.
I have had a series of repeating apocalyptic dreams (some might call nightmares) involving tornadoes, alien invasions, nuclear war, and large-scale civil unrest. These dreams used to scare me, and then I decided to stop waking myself up and forcing myself to face these inner fears. Each scenario would involve me activating some type of plan to deal with it, even if the plan was strictly a mental checklist. It really helped me deal with some frightening dreams. But what is unnerving for me right now is that I find myself quite naturally doing this in waking life in response to COVID-19. I have to keep telling myself this is real and not a dream, but at the same time the way I have handled it in my dreams seems like the right thing to do. So while it creeps me out, I feel someone comfortable with it.
What It All Means
It's a few short hours into Monday on March 16 as I type this and set it up to auto-publish later today. I feel my family is prepared for what is to come, I understand why parts of this seem to border on entertainment in some twisted way, and why I am not nearly as scared as I am just creeped out due to the familiar feeling. My advice is to not hide these feelings from yourself - explore them and deal with them. As many of us have more time to self-reflect, do so.
