Fun Friday: Naming People

Vandergriff Park, Arlington TX, one of maybe a dozen I visit regularly. I prefer them like this - sparsely populated.

I’ve always had this odd habit of naming certain strangers that I encounter if they are unique or the situation is peculiar. I’ve been going on twice-daily walks in the park with Dahlia for the health benefits for both of us. There are a good number of parks I can go to in Arlington, and I prefer parks where I can make a somewhat decent-sized loop or circle around an area where it is about a mile (makes for a reasonably quick walk) and I try to never visit the same park two days in a row to keep it interesting for both the dog and myself. Each park has their strangers that I’ve named for one reason or another.

Some of the names come from just seeing them, some from interactions with them, and really most of them (and most everyone I encounter while walking) are friendly with a head nod, a smile, a wave, and often a greeting. This whole name thing might not make sense, but as you read through the list, it will become crystal clear. So here’s the park edition of the strangers’ name list.

Role Call

The Runner. Never makes eye contact, as I walk the mile-long circle he will pass me at least 6 times. I’ve never seen him stop. When I arrive, if he’s there he will be running the entire time I am there, and still running as I’m leaving. It’s kind of frightening.

Happy Girl. I only see her in the early morning, and this is before my Earl Grey so I have been awake maybe 20-30 minutes when I see her. She is obviously a morning person without a care in the world, and greets me with a strikingly honest and bubbly “Hello! Good morning!” every time I see her. Even Dahlia isn’t that excited first thing in the morning.

The Explorer. He has a walking stick, and does not always stay on the trail. Often I spot him deep into the woods off to one side of where we are walking, stopping only to smoke self-rolled cigarettes or a vape pen (hard to tell from a distance, but it is a lot of smoke), and sometimes to check his phone. I imagine him being a war veteran, based upon his attire which has both tactical and military overtones.

Caboose Girl. She got her name from me overhearing two girls walking behind her, talking about her as they passed me, and that was their name for her. I didn’t focus on Caboose Girl, but now after hearing the name being used by these two other girls (who were clearly jealous, and even said so) the name has stuck.

Dragger. There is this guy that has a small dog, and he does this weird power walk like he is angry and heading to the counter of a fast food restaurant to yell an the assistant manager about something wrong with his order. The poor little dog has to run to keep up, I mean he’s practically dragging the dog behind him. I don’t like him at all.

Odd Vibes. This poor girl wants to stop and converse, and while Dahlia is usually tolerant until strangers try to pet her, she immediately growls at Odd Vibes. I make excuses like “oh she does that to everyone” but no, Odd Vibes can be on her phone or in conversation with another person and if Dahlia sees her, she growls.

Dick Van Dick. This poor guy was changing clothes in his van for a run, and his partner opened the door and he was inside naked. He was all yelly and mortified about it, she was in utter hysterics laughing as she closed the door. Also he was hung like a bear, hence the emphasis with the name.

Banjo John. He’s never been seen with a banjo, but if anyone looked like they own a banjo, it’s Banjo John. I can’t explain it in words really, he just looks the part.

Saint Nick. He lives near the park where I see him, his outfit is black shorts and black hiking shoes, no shirt, that’s it. He’s completely ripped, has an even tan, but is older than I am with an extremely long and full white beard.

Cougar. She’s probably my age, somewhat attractive, but will barely say hello to me, other older men, and women. But the younger well-built guys? She will stop, talk with them, laugh at their jokes, do that arm touch thing. We get it Cougar, we get it.

Dan. This guy rides an older bicycle that he’s probably owned and maintained quite nicely for decades. He looks like he lives alone off grid on a tract of land with a cabin he built himself, has only a landline, and otherwise rejects technology. He has bristling facial hair, and is 100% the grumpiest-looking person at any park. He will nod and wave as he passes, but obviously not smile. Physically he reminds me of a guy named Dan I know, hence the name.

Small Cock. This complete and total bro drives a loud and over-sized compensation of a truck, takes up two parking places, looks like he works out, and tries to chat up girls. I’ve only seen him within a few meters of his truck, never out walking. I do hear the truck when he arrives or leaves. Even Cougar avoids him. His name totally fits him.

Perverticus the Unclean. This one is disturbing. There is this one guy that every time I see him, he is walking about 8-10 meters behind one or more attractive women. He stays behind them for a while, and will often change direction to walk behind another one. He is never behind a woman who is walking with a man. Once when I was stopped to let Dahlia sniff around in the grass, I warned a couple of girls walking by about him. They nervously laughed and said “oh yeah, we call him Creeper.” When I told them my name for him, they had a pretty good laugh.

Summary

This isn’t the complete catalog, but probably the more “entertaining” names. I hope you enjoyed the list. And yes, to answer the obvious questions, I am in fact both easily entertained and mentally a 12 year old.