Fun Friday: Future Homeowner
When we added this front porch “disclaimer”, we spent maybe 5 seconds coming up with something and yes this was the first and only suggestion.
For fun, my family has left a number of random "clues" behind for some future homeowner of my house to uncover during a remodel. Why? We think it's funny. Some of them are obvious, some are hidden deep underneath extensive remodeling projects, and some are buried DEEP in the yard (9 foot deep pool was filled in well over a decade ago).
Beginnings
It started because a neighborhood church had one of those marquee signs out in front where they put up some text to trick you into becoming religious, and the sign said "A loveless life is a living death." Well, since our last name was "Loveless" we thought this was hilarious, especially since it was my mother-in-law's church saying it, and darkly we adopted it as the family motto.
My young son: “Dad, why can’t I go outside and play? It’s not raining that hard.”
Me: “You’ll track in mud and make a mess.”
Son: “But I’ll wipe my feet before I come in. Come on, why not?”
Mom: “A loveless life is a living death.”
Mom and I: …chuckles…
Son: “That’s a stupid saying!” …storms out of room…
Years later the kids would say it when we questioned why they did something stupid, so they got in their own licks.
Anyway, when burying a pole to be used for a basketball goal for the kids next to the driveway, in the wet cement we etched in this family motto. In a few short years, dirt and grass slowly sank the cement by a small amount, and after the kids had moved out the pole was cut off at this base. So now, underneath a couple of inches of soil and grass lies a rather odd reminder of a family joke from long ago that will make no sense to a future homeowner that discovers it.
Many More
At this point there are several odd things hidden in odd places, and since this has been going on since 1992 when we moved in, I can’t remember all of them, and certainly have no idea how many of them are. I think the last one was done in 2019, and is somewhat obviously left in the cement on the front porch under the bench pictured above - it is intended for the solicitor or delivery person with a wondering eye, and a “warning” to a future homeowner that they are in for a real treat of a treasure hunt.
Most of the odd things were just like the front porch disclaimer above - thought of spur of the moment, suggested a much larger backstory, and had a rather dark motif. Also we found the idea of some homeowner in a panic trying to decipher the clues as hilarious (I never said we were role models) since they had uncovered references to some unspeakable evil or savage crime.
It’s this spur-of-the-moment decision to do one of these that has made it so hard to remember all of them. Since the house has been in Loveless hands since 1992, I’d imagine there are some that would (pleasantly) surprise me if I uncovered them.
Dear Future Homeowner…
You're welcome, future therapist who makes a small fortune treating my future homeowners. And for any future homeowner that ages from now stumbles across some forgotten archive of a lost corner of the web and is now reading my words, I hope you had a wondrous journey without too many frightening jolts.
